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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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7:13 pm
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| Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
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6:19 pm
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Behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall not all fall asleep, but we will all be changed,
in an instant, in the blink of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
For that which is corruptible must clothe itself with incorruptibility, and that which is mortal must clothe itself with immortality.
And when this which is corruptible clothes itself with incorruptibility and this which is mortal clothes itself with immortality, then the word that is written shall come about: "Death is swallowed up in victory.
Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be firm, steadfast, always fully devoted to the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:51-58
Go well.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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2:55 pm
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If you beg your parents for something and they say no, it doesn't mean they've cheated you out of something, right? Just that they've exercised their rights as parents. It hurts when it happens, but there's usually a good reason, even if it's one you can't understand.
God is like that too.
Just because he doesn't grant your prayers doesn't mean you've been cheated. You're not entitled to miracles.
current mood:  irritated
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, March 27th, 2005
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9:03 pm - Musings from a long time ago
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I was going through some boxes that had been stuck in the basement for years, and found an old journal of mine. I flipped randomly through it, tracing the names of lovers past, reminding myself of who I used to be, and feeling rather good about who I'd become. This entry struck me, and I felt compelled to copy some of it down. This is who I was, thirty years ago:
March 27, 1975
...Sometimes, there's nothing left to say. People you thought you knew, you find out that you don't - and that you don't know them on a level that's so fundamental it's shocking. You find yourself staring at this person you've known for years, saying, "Who the hell are you?" It makes you stop and question yourself. Am I that out of touch? Have I been deluding myself? And if I know him that poorly, do I really know anyone at all?
Do I really know anyone at all?
Because there was a time when I thought I knew you better than you knew yourself, and you surprised me all the same. You still do it, from time to time, thrusting until I bleed from your touch. And yet I love you, even though I don't want to, and sometimes it kills me to have you in the same world as I am. I let them touch me because you won't, because maybe someday fingers against my skin won't remind me of you. I won't even hope that you could ever love me like I do you; I will never be your priority because you've made your choices and they don't include me. Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder how Rome could have changed you so completley in just a few months. Maybe it didn't. Maybe you couldn't bear to look at me, crippled and scarred, in love again, and if I could perfect myself somehow I would be enough. Maybe I never was enough for you, and this breath of time that defines my existence was nothing more than something between boys that you've outgrown in the same way you outgrew your toys and sleeping with your rabbit.
Damn it, I don't need to be enough for you. I can outgrow you too. I can, watch me, watch me find someone who doesn't remind me of you, because I won't need to be reminded.
I'm not addicted, I can quit any time.
I hate you....but some days I wish I could talk to you rather than writing about you.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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7:42 pm - Amusing quiz
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Lately, I am nothing more than a meme sheep. (I think that is the phrase.) My wife would say I am a meme goat, but there you go.
current mood:  cheerful
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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9:08 am - Odd meme
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LJ Friends Meme by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) coolerq• You must tell 25 people about this game.
• Rivenna is the one that you love.
• Integra is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about Enrico.
• Lita is the one who knows you very well.
• Jennifer is your lucky star.
• Behind Blue Eyes is the song that matches with Rivenna.
• Standing is the song for Integra.
• Flood is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and Truce is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz
I don't ordinarily post memes, but that was just... strange. The song titles don't really make any sense, but it got the relationships bang-on.
current mood:  surprised
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8:55 am - Dawnsong
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Integra would have you believe that she is as cold as first frost, and as untouchable as thoughts of spring during snowfall. She would have herself believe it, too. But at the root, it is an act, the maneuverings of a woman in a man’s world. Given proper care, perhaps simply enough air and sunlight, and she will blossom like any beautiful flower.
I tell myself this, with varying frequency, depending on how my course of “proper care” is going. On days when she refuses to even take my calls, I say it a lot. Occasionally my repetition takes on an air of what might be called desperation. Nights like tonight, when she is leaned up against my side with her shoes off, I whisper it to myself with something like reverence. I allow myself to hope that perhaps I might be the person to bring her to blossom.
The sea sings outside the open window, bringing with it soft salt air, brushing tendrils of hair across my cheek. Night, I say, but dawn approaches with steady steps. The eastern sky is already graying. Integra has fallen asleep beside me. To vampire hunters, dawn means the end of the shift, bedtime. I should put my book away, send Integra to her bed, seek the solace of my own – even if it is empty. But for now, I stroke her hair gently, so as not to wake her, and turn another page.
current mood: content
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, November 26th, 2004
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10:26 pm - So Giles is love?
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| Saturday, May 8th, 2004
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5:13 pm - Rough thoughts
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I am not dumb.
Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
This is one of those times.
current mood: frustrated
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 11th, 2004
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5:12 am - Easter Sunday
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And on the third day, they rolled away the stone and found the tomb empty. It was promised, it was foretold... but still, it must have been quite a shock.
Lent is over, the most magical Mass of the year nearly upon us, and I have managed to go 40 days without smoking. I plan to not pick it back up - if I can make 40 more, it will be the longest I've gone without since college.
current mood: peaceful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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1:05 am
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Welcome to the world, Raphael Matthias. I hope your stay here is long and joyous.
With utmost love,
Your Father
current mood: pleased
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 5th, 2004
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10:26 pm - New avatar
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The lovely and talented galeforce_winds made me a new avatar. It is from Full Metal Alchemist, but it reminds me of Rico. I am also looking for a third to round out my set; the other one I have is a picture of me smoking, and since I no longer smoke, I really want to get rid of it.
current mood: accomplished
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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7:48 am
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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9:21 pm - Retirement
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Or, as I'm now referring to it, my eight-year sabbatical. Helping enricomaxwell with one project became two, and two became just one more, and... well, when I was spending more time working on Vatican projects than playing with my kids, I began giving serious thought to picking it back up. I was enjoying working again, enjoying the research and the problem-solving and the meetings. Michael and little Enrico were also in Rome part-time for school, and I was definitely feeling the absence of having the Vatican archives at my fingertips when searching for the solution to a problem.
After extensive discussion with my lovely wife, we have decided that the best course of action is to move to Rome. We're being provided with a lovely villa (former home to Cardinal Nachtman, and I think filling his empty house with laughing children is the best revenge) and I'm taking over my office again.
Oh, and I quit smoking again because it's too damned cold here in the winter. This may change once we're back in Italy.
current mood:  productive
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004
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4:50 am - Birthday
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Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes. :) I had a very lovely one, at home with my family. My mother took the kids the next night so my beautiful wife and I could have an evening together (a rare thing).
At present, I am back at the Vatican, helping enricomaxwell with a special project. Back to spending absurd hours in the Archives looking for obscure texts nobody's touched in decades or perhaps centuries. I am, for the most part, enjoying my retirement, but there is something inherently pleasant about working on occasion. I miss Rivenna and the kids though. It's less satisfying to be able to sleep through the night (looks at the clock - or, um, the day) when there's nobody there to wake you up.
Rivenna, I love you and miss you. All of you. Some parts more than others. *smirk*
Michael, little Enrico, Illyta, Jennifer, Alexander, Lucia, and Riva, I miss you and love you all. Daddy will be home soon.
current mood: homesick
current music: a ticking clock
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
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12:41 am
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Note to self: don't sit in the dark listening to Rent unless you WANT to get depressed.
You'd think that'd be a no-brainer. Sometimes, I am truly a moron.
Think I'll go outside and have a cigarette. Or ten. Ugh.
Or maybe I'll just go to bed.
current mood:  depressed
current music: Rent - Finale
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 1st, 2004
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2:02 am - Dear God...
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I have seven children. SEVEN. And they will ALL be teenagers AT THE SAME TIME.
*kills himself*
current mood:  anxious
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 27th, 2003
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6:26 am
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I am quite madly in love with my wife.
That is all.
current mood: happy
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, December 26th, 2003
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1:25 am
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Ceri: But lions aren't native to Palestine.
Lit: It's the lion of God. It's a cameo.
current mood: amused
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(comment on this)
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1:04 am - Christmas
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Merry Christmas, everybody.
TOMORROW everyone (except Enrico and Ceri) goes home.
THANK GOD.
Oh... and I figured out that, since I'm already dead, I don't have to worry about lung cancer. Rivenna says it's fine, so long as I don't smoke in the house. So, at least for the time being, I'm smoking again.
current mood: cheerful
current music: Ceri and Lit playing dolls
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(comment on this)
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thoughtful